Statistics
Porn has been the death of many relationships. The chances of a relationship being ruined by porn are 30% higher than in couples who don’t use it.
1 in 5 couples have intimacy problems, and in one study, 30% of men under 35 who watched 300 minutes of porn per week experienced ED (erectile dysfunction), compared to 10% of men who watched less than 300 minutes.
In another study, 40% of men aged 35 to 45 who watched 300 minutes of porn per week experienced ED.
The mere fact that it causes ED should be an indicator of the damage it does to the male mind and body.
This doesn’t mean “Just watch less porn” because that is impossible. The more you watch the more you need to watch.
Like all other addictions, the body builds a tolerance to the input, making the next fix less potent and thus requiring the next one to be more intense/hardcore to get the same high.
Why is porn addictive?
Humans are subject to forming addictions to substances or behaviours that stimulate the brain’s dopamine centre, which causes intense feelings of pleasure.
Porn is a super stimulus.
Porn, like sugar, drugs and alcohol triggers a dopamine release in the brain.
When someone has an orgasm, the body releases endorphins that spike dopamine, triggering the “feel good” response and then leading to the cycle of repetition and recreation.
Men especially are visually stimulated beings, around 80% of men watch porn or have watched it in the past in comparison to women where only about 20% watch porn or have watched it.
Women tend to be more emotionally and mentally stimulated, which is why more of them read porn, 85% of smut and romance readers are women.
The implications of porn
He is more sexually “bothered”.
He now has conditioned his brain to see women in a specific way, as tools for his sexual gratification even if it is only in his mind. Every woman he sees or meets will be seen through the lens of sexual perversion.
His brain will automatically go straight to lust because that is how he has conditioned himself.
At this point he will picture every attractive woman he sees naked and his imagination will do the rest.
Masturbation will also become a problem because you don’t watch porn like you do any other movie, you “do” you.
This leads to a very dark place, it affects his platonic and romantic relationships, and it will be an insurmountable obstacle without help from Christ or someone who has kicked this addiction.
His mental health takes a big hit.
Along with the transient bliss that porn offers comes an almost crippling shame, a tendency for depression, anxiety and lower self-esteem.
Right after he finishes the video, lies on his bed and stares at the ceiling he is filled with shame and guilt.
“What am I doing?” he asks himself, “why does it feel so good and right after I feel like sh*t?”
Deep down in the male heart, there is an annoyance with how we are wired.
As I mentioned before, we are visual beings, and porn is a super stimulus and the picture of male fantasy. No wonder 80% of porn users are men.
Especially in our teen years, when our testosterone is at its peak, and we are most sexually driven and frustrated, this is a challenge, and for us, it is a great annoyance because we can’t help how we feel or do anything about it. So young men turn to porn for the relief.
With this said, this young man is now in a deep dark hole. The content is getting darker and more hardcore and he has started feeling numb and increasingly shameful and guilty.
He feels nothing.
He is losing sleep because of the late-night “sessions”, he sexually objectifies women in every setting he is in, his social connections dwindle because all he can think about is what it would be like to have sex with this woman, and he cannot hide his shame any longer.
So, he decides to withdraw from the social scene and isolate himself to wherever he finds solace.
He is now alone and battling depression.
Brain fog and irritability
Porn contributes to “brain fog” because it disrupts the brain’s normal dopamine levels.
This leads to a desensitisation of the mesolimbic dopamine system or the reward system, where increasingly intense stimuli are needed to achieve the same level of pleasure.
Porn impacts one’s focus and cognitive function, especially when consumed excessively.
Essentially, the brain becomes overloaded with dopamine surges from the constant stimulation, leading to the feeling of mental sluggishness and difficulty concentrating.
Now this young man has a problem. He cannot concentrate, his comprehension is struggling and he even has trouble reading and writing.
His brain is now completely overwhelmed.
Is there hope for a “lost cause”?
Yes there is!
“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
I remember feeling absolutely hopeless. A guilty, shameful and lustful mess. I felt worthless.
Then I heard that rock bottom is not such a bad place to be, “really?” I thought very sarcastically “The only way from here is up.”
Any small victory was an improvement to where I was and I was determined to turn my life around. This was also the time of the 2020 lockdowns, where my addiction peaked. So what I did was to stop cold turkey because I had far too much time on my hands and I was slowly rotting away from this cruel addiction.
Here is what I did to beat porn:
I am a Christian. Something Christians must understand is that for us to stop sinning, we must die. Well, that isn’t very helpful, Ian. So, what can I do to control my lust? I must cultivate a righteous hatred for sin and a deep love for Christ.
This is important: Hate the sin you commit; don’t hate yourself for sinning. Have grace for yourself in the process. Forgive yourself and learn to cast this addiction and all that makes you anxious at the feet of Christ.
As Billy Graham said, “The closer I come to Christ, the more aware I become of my sin.”
We must nurture our hatred of sin so that just the thought of it acts as an inhibitor.
The biggest catalyst for overcoming addiction is Christ. 84% of studies on this conclude that treatments with a faith-orientated approach to addiction are indisputably the best course of action.
Because of how I have trained myself now, I have become aware of the thoughts and triggers that tempt me to fall back into porn. I can now acknowledge the temptation out loud and then remind myself of the truth and verbally stop myself from relapsing.
Stay busy. This helped me get my mind off porn as I was constantly engaged with tasks or literally anything, just as long as I was never bored for too long or never alone long enough for me to be tempted.
Web blocker: iPhone has a great feature that allows you to block adult content from the web. I activated this feature and had someone I trust create a password so that I would not be tempted to disable the blocker.
Conclusion
Porn is free because you pay with your soul.
However, what I have learnt through this is that it’s never too late, it’s not hopeless and kicking it is worth it.
It was one of the hardest things I have had to do, but so liberating.
This addiction seems so harmless from the outside, but once you are caught in the trap, it is exceptionally hard to break free.
Some people will relapse in their attempt to break free from the bondage of porn, which is to be expected.
Don’t lose hope, every time your period of sobriety lasts longer between relapses, it is a step forward just start again and then go further and soon it will be gone altogether.
You will still be tempted, but you will have the tools to fight against it and be victorious.
If this is you then I urge you to take up this challenge to fight back against the forces of lust that lurk in the dark corners of a man’s heart and break free from the shame and guilt that comes with the forfeit of your soul.
REMEMBER:
I am not my addiction.
I am not an addict; I am battling this addiction.
It sounds like semantics, but it is imperative not to make our struggles our identity.
Your identity is worth more than an addiction. Don’t belittle it.
